Lipstick slingshot

I really like this video. Found it a few years back and still cracks me up.

Celtics beat Miami...again...Lebron still can't hack it with the C's

Rondo showing the Heat what's up

   Celtics took down the Heat for the third time this year, for a record on the season of 3-0. For me, this was the most meaningful game between the two, since the two teams have changed over the course of the season from the last time they met. KG and Pierce went 5 for 24...pierce himself was held to 0 and 10 for 1 point on the game (he was being covered by Lebron). After all, the Miami Heat are the #1 defense in the league. I'll give them credit where credit is due.

The Celtics were down going into the second half, but absolutely shredded the Miami D in the third quarter. The story of the third quarter was Rondo. Apparently he gave a halftime speech to the locker room, and came out swinging. He also decided HE was going to cover Lebron James for some of the second half, proving that you can get in his head and take him out of the game by simply digging into his ribcage and keeping his back turned to the basket. He is notoriously bad when it comes to playing with his back to the hoop.

Von Wafer came out of nowhere with the C's bench decimated by non-serious injuries right now (both O'Neals are out, Robinson has a sore knee, Marquise Daniels is Marquise Daniels, and Delonte West still has a broken wrist, Semih Erden was...in a sport coat...), putting up 10 points and going 2 for 3 on 3 pointers. Meanwhile, Miami was God awful all day shooting 3 pointers up to the last shot with Bosh blowing a wide-open 3 pointer to tie the game.

Rondo really stepped it up for this matchup. He covered Lebron well even though he's the smallest guy on the court and Lebron outweighs and can outplay him any day. Rondo has proven once again why he is a Boston Celtic.I loved when Rondo marched right over into the Miami huddle too. Good stuff.

The Celtics snapped the 8-game winning streak of the heat, their 3-game losing streak to Dallas, Lakers, and Bobcats, seized the #1 spot in the Eastern Conference, and showed Miami once again who's boss. It's like Miami wins a few games, starts calling themselves the Fucking Heatles, then we break em down and bring em back to Earth once more when they start getting uppity and arrogant, That's how we do.

Did the Heat lose this game or did Boston win? I think the answer is obvious, Boston won. Talk about turnovers the first half, and Boston dominates. We have Lebron figured out, he's not a problem. He is damn good defensively though (see Paul Pierce stats). But he just couldn't hack it when it came time to make those two critical foul shots to tie the game. Meanwhile, Big Baby Davis drilled down BOTH of his foul shots, to up the C's lead to three points. Also, KG made his critical jump shot...Chris Bosh couldn't. That's why we're the Big Three, and they're the 'Heatles'.

Anytime someone wants to say "Miami is the best team going right now" just think back to how the Celtics have their number, and beat their brains in whether they're up north or down south. Yeah the Heat are good but the Celtics are better. And we're slightly bruised and banged up and they're not. We would have smoked them by 10 or 15 if Shaq was healthy and we had some sort of inside game against them. So yeah, we'll see you in april, then in the playoffs. Meanwhile, enjoy the weather down in Miami Lebron...we'll be up here winning.

Craigslist apartment search ends in failure (or success???) A tale of a divisive fat chick.

gross

So I've been searching Boston for a new apartment, naturally on Craigslist, and thought I found a good one. This was advertised as 4 or 5 girls, 4:20 friendly, like to hang out, party every now and then, laid back, etc. Best part is, they specifically asked for a guy. I thought I found a pretty sweet place so I decided to email them.

As an aside to this story, I saw this huge, huge, enormous girl lumber out of MassArt around Longwood Medical Area in Boston a few weeks ago. This girl was so epic, I had to turn to the stranger next to me, this old black guy, and make a comment. We proceed to laugh and joke together about what an enormous troll we just saw. I also tweeted the following "Just saw a monster bitch on longwood Ave Boston.Like 6'9" dieseled out ogre.Once in a lifetime monster. She was eating a Billy goat.I swear." 


So back to my apartment shopping story on craigslist. The place sounded real nice. I can't do the ensuing hilarity justice, so I will simply post the email exchange that followed. 


Me: Hey,
Just saw the ad on craigslist and I'm interested. My name is BFM. I'm 24, graduated from Umass, I'm from the X originally and I work at Y doing Z. That being said, I smoke and drink on the weekends. I do like to party on weekends too, but usually I'm out exploring the bar scene. I have a gf and she would swing by on the weekends. I don't smoke in the house, but I'm fine with it if you do. Nowadays I'm quiet during the week, but I'll go out every now and then on a thursday. I like sports, beer, poker, bar trivia, etc. I'd say I'm a pretty social guy.
If you're interested, I'd love to swing by and see the place Saturday. I'm commuting right now and it's brutal. So let me know. Thanks!
BFM

E: hey BFM, 
here are some photos of the apartment. you sound pretty cool and we would love for you to come by and check the place out. what time would you be able to stop by on saturday? if you want to call or text me, my number is XXX XXX XXXX.
E

Less than an hour later, I receive another email from E...

E: BFM,
we googled your name and found your twitter account. "the monster bitch on longwood ave" is our best friend and an amazing woman. so scratch saturday.
 E

Me: E,

Is that so? you know every monster bitch on longwood ave? There's a few. I calls em likes i sees em. Well if you're going to be this judgmental and make snap decisions we'll call it off. Wouldn't want her coming by to weaken the house's foundation anyway.
BFM

Anyway, who's more in the wrong here? Me tweeting when I saw an ogre in Boston, or the 'friend' who reads that tweet and says 'THAT MUST BE INGRID! WHAT A JERK!" I think I'm glad I didn't decide to live here. What if she came by and plowed through everything in the refrigerator? I'd be out the cost of food, and more than likely be living in a sinkhole when the house buckles under the weight of this behemoth.

French Penis-Leash Couple Arrested at Shops

CARCASSONNE, France (AFP) – French police said Thursday they arrested a 63-year-old woman who was leading her 40-year-old companion along a busy shopping street by a leash attached to his exposed penis.
The couple were detained Wednesday afternoon in the southwestern city of Carcassonne and were due to appear in court in April on charges of public indecency.
The couple admitted to being sex addicts and said they were in the middle of a game when arrested, police said.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20110210/od_afp/francesexoffbeat

Is this actual news in France? I imagine this kind of debauchery is commonplace in that society. Just another day out shopping with the naked gimp. La de da.


I also imagine that these people worked their way up to this step. Like you don't just march out one day with a guy on a dick leash butt naked and say "here I am world, ready or not here I come." No. You probably walk out naked a few times and people are like "oh there's that naked couple! They're always naked so its fine." That's the way France must operate. Then when you work your way up to dude-on-a-dick-leash status, people will be primed for acceptance of your offbeat mannerisms. It was probably some out-of-town shopper in this town that was just there for the day and saw this and got horrified. Maybe not, maybe she just had her kids with her and was trying to set an example. Either way, you gotta think these things through and act professional. Stick to your neighborhood or your local haunts. Start by getting the mail or answering the door with dick leash man and gauge people's reactions. Downtown Carcasonne just wasn't ready, nude French couple.

PS- When I went to France when I was 13, I tried to go to a water park in my bathing suit. The bulky French gatekeeper told me I needed to wear a Speedo, and that I could 'rent one' if I came unequipped. So I'm not a bit surprised by this story. Fucking French.

England is Tough on Crime

Chick who got hit with a brick

After                                          Before

A teenage yob who almost killed a young athlete when he threw a brick through a car window has escaped with a £200 fine.
Samantha Sadler, 17, suffered a fractured skull, broken nose and broken eye socket when the brick hit her as she travelled home after training.
Blinded by the blood pouring from her face, Miss Sadler’s only thought was that her dream of competing for England in athletics lay in shreds.

The teenager, who was also beginning a modelling career when she was attacked, spent a month in hospital and still suffers from double vision eight months later.

Last night her family and anti-crime campaigners reacted with horror at the sentencing of the boy who threw the brick.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1355149/Teenage-thug-fractured-Samantha-Sadlers-skull-brick-fined-just-200.html#ixzz1DfLH4kvK

England really threw the book at this kid. $400 fine? Whew. That's rough. He'll have to deliver TWICE as many newspapers and empty his piggy bank to pay this one off. In the US he's be thrown into ADX Florence Supermax for 10 years or something. The judge would mandate a shower shanking too. People wonder why the British empire crumbled. And these were the folks that used to have the tower of London.

PS- Does she look better after she got hit by the brick? I mean i know her nose is a little bit crooked but, I'm not one for all that makeup and shit. And what the fuck is a yob? Brits confuse me.

Ray Allen Breaks 3-Pointer Shooting Record

                                                           Ray Allen, just being the man.

So Ray Allen broke the all time 3-pointer record beating out Reggie Miller. He has made 2,562 shots in his 15-year career. This is fucking impressive. Say what you want about the Celtics but Ray Allen is the man. He brings his mom to the games, community activist (as all the Celtics, and nearly all Boston athletes are), and just an all around great guy. He's in better shape than most in the league, older than most in the league, and according to Roger Ebert gave a pretty good performance in He Got Game. Ring it up for Boston. Even though we lost to the Lakers last night, we'll stomp their lights out in the playoffs. I think I'll Netflix He Got Game as a tribute to Mr. Jesus Shuttlesworth.

PS- Isn't it ironic that the Celtics roster has two players that have starred in movies and the Lakers don't? I know Shaq used to play for them, but he's with us now. So deal with it.

Hello

So here we go, first blog ever. Just gonna start cranking this shit out. So, lets talk about Haiti. Is there any place that sucks more than Haiti? I mean dictators, poverty, then you got your earthquakes and cholera.

                                                   Sweet Crib, lady. Your water looks delicious

So the Earthquake happened and that sucked. Naturally occurring event. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. But how come they haven't done anything about it? Like if an earthquake happened in Boston and shit got crumpled up like a napkin, Bostonians would be all over the place volunteering to clean up! Every man woman and child would be out cleaning up rubble.

But doesn't it seem like Haitians aren't really doing anything about this? Just kickin back and putting their feet up wallowing in their own misery? I know this subject comes out of nowhere but Anderson Cooper is a bitch, and he keeps whining about how Haiti hasn't rebuilt at all!

                                            go get beat up in Cairo some more
 Haitians just kick their feet up and let the international community come in and start taking care of their shit. Then they start bitching some more when they get cholera. Like where the fuck do you think it's gonna come from? "Oh noes! we have an earthquake! HEEELP!" Then they get foreign diseases and wonder why. "Get out of our country you foreigners!" Can't have your cake and eat it too. Get it together Haiti.